Conversations with My Night Brain

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Chris: Welcome back to
Conversations with My Night Brain.

This is just a solo episode
with my night brain.

Except it actually isn't a
night brain conversation.

It was a 8:30 AM conversation that I had
with a potential client who's now a former

client, and I won't go into details, but
just wanted to tell future me or maybe

past me, I guess, who's listening to
this in the past, that it's okay if it

doesn't quite work out with a client.

No matter how very important
person they may be.

It always sucks when things
don't work out the way you

were hoping they were going to.

Particularly in a client service dynamic
where it kind of feels like it's your

own reputation and ability and just
entire person on the line in the process.

And, uh, when that doesn't work
out, and especially when the history

hasn't been there to back up the
claims or the issues that are why

you're being dropped by the client.

I've had it happen two, maybe three
times in 10 plus years of owning my

own business, and by all accounts,

the hundreds of clients who have
been happy and I've worked with

successfully over many years,
obviously outweigh those two or three.

But as we know, as with comments on
the internet and other things like

that, the two or three bad ones
kind of stick with you and make

you question your entire identity.

So I'm just recording this conversation
for myself, but also anybody else out

there who recently has gone through, is
about to go through, or will go through

in the future, a conversation like this
where it just doesn't seem to work out.

And I want you, and me, to remember
that it's okay to feel those

emotions and walk through the, um,
the sadness, or the hurt, the pain,

the confusion, walk through that.

Uh, I would also say it's not essential
to walk through those with the former

client or potential client, whatever
the dynamic is, try to do that with

either internally, or with a journal,
or with a friend, or a colleague.

Process that part of it obviously
not trying to reflect back on with

the person who isn't wanting to
work with you for whatever reason.

I will say it's okay to ask clarifying
questions if there's lingering doubts,

or even things that you want to
improve about what you did or what

they perceive as you doing wrong,

that caused them to not
wanna work with you anymore.

They don't have to answer them, obviously,
and depends on how the relationship

ended or how well it was done or handled.

Obviously, if it's a toxic, abusive
kind of thing, and that can happen

in client service, uh, relationships,
then you, you need to get out and walk

away, and just delete all emails and
make sure you get paid for your work.

But, you can ask for ask
questions of clarity and even

where or why things went wrong.

But also remember that if it's a
relationship with somebody or a business

where you can just kind of sense that
maybe this isn't working out right.

There's, when you look
back, there's signs, there's

warning flags that you kind of

ignored in the pursuit of either
credibility with this person, money they

were gonna pay you, or some combination
of all the above, or you just needed

a paycheck to pay for some food.

It's okay that you missed those
signs, but then just remember those

and trust your gut in the next
interaction with a potential client

when those same kind of
signs start popping up.

And let's face it, there are people
who are just mean or dicks and don't

know that they are mean or a dick.

They might say things like,
I'm not trying to be mean, or

I'm not trying to be hurtful.

But it's important to remember that
whatever your intention is towards

someone, if someone says to you, you've
hurt me, or this is confusing and

I'm feeling hurt by this situation,
or the way that you've handled this,

your intention doesn't really matter.

And this is the part that's for me in
my own personal life when I'm reflecting

on interactions with my kids, my spouse,
friends and family around me, intention

is great, but that does not replace what
actually happened, and especially it

does not replace how you made someone
feel because of your actions, whether

you intended to hurt them or not.

If your natural response to someone
saying that you hurt them in some way

is to say, I didn't intend to hurt you.

I think you're starting down a path
that I walk very well headfirst

into, which is defensive response to
someone being vulnerable with you.

And I'm still learning this lesson
because I just want you, the person

I've hurt, to understand that
that isn't what I meant to do.

And I don't want you to feel bad
because you're misunderstanding

what I meant, and that's not what I
intended to happen, and this isn't

how I wanted this conversation to go.

All may be true from your perspective,
but it's probably time to just shut

up and listen, and possibly apologize,
reflect, and apologize, so you

know what you're apologizing for.

But most importantly to listen.

Okay, that's enough for this episode.

Uh, just a brief word on this
podcast and how I sort of see

it fleshing out a bit as we go.

It's gonna be something that I'm
gonna do when I feel like I want or

have reason to do an episode, not any
sort of regular scheduled routine.

So I apologize if it messes up with
your, your, uh, listening schedule and

your routine for listening to a podcast.

That's just how it needs to be for
me, in terms of my own ability to

record podcasts while also editing
a bunch of other people's podcasts.

And also the topics, my plan is to
have the topics vary, obviously,

depending on what is going on in
my life, what I've dreamt about,

and argued with that night before.

Or interviews and conversations I wanna
have with people, uh, related to something

that's completely, not even necessarily
what's on your night brain, but that's

kind of like the general framing of
like, hey, person, what's bugging you?

What's stuck in your brain?

It could be good things,
it could be bad things.

Let's talk about it for 10 minutes, 45
minutes, 38 minutes, 67 minutes even.

And see where we go.

Maybe we find some sort of common
ground, some sort of resolution to the

issue or the question or the problem
you're struggling with or the thing

you're excited about, or maybe we
don't, and we'll come back in a few

episodes and talk about it again.

So for whatever reason you're interested
in either me or thoughts I have, or

maybe there's a guest that I talk
with that makes you wanna subscribe

to the show and you've come back
and re-listened to this old episode.

Either way, thank you for listening
and, uh, look forward to whatever

comes next from my Night Brain.